Masterclass on how to NOT cook crab
by Ace of Aids
Summary: Eagle attempts to teach Roach and Ghost how to cook crab. Let me tell you this, things end up a little interesting.…Short story rated K for themes and language.


**Just a little something I wrote up this morning. It's meant to be short as it's a short story. And yeah. Enjoy and please tell me if I should write more short stories or if I should give them up. I'm really just trying to figure out what I like best and what you readers like to read. Anyway, I'll let you get on with reading after all that is why you clicked on this story. Right?**

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"So," Eagle began. "How well can the two of you cook?"

"Err…"

"Thought so,"

"What are we doing? I feel like an idiot in this pink apron!" Roach whined "And this pink hat!" He points to it with the knife that he's holding.

"Roach! Be careful with that knife." Eagle buts in, "We can't loose the FNG to suicide. I'll book you into a mental clinic."

Ghost nearly falls down laughing and Eagle just grabs the knife from Roach and throws it into the chopping board, before walking to the pantry to get something.

"Damn. She's hot when she's pissed off!"

"R…O…A…C…H! I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Roach was puzzled. "What- Oh right. You two are still going out?"

All Ghost got to do was nod as Eagle came out with three crabs.

"Do you guys even know what these are?"

"FOOD!" Roach cries

If Eagle could face palm she would. After putting a crab on each chopping board she took her place in front of them.

"Crabs."

"Figures. Seafood. Yuck."

"Shhhh, " Roach whispered, "I want to find out if we can eat them!"

"Seriously, Roach. Crab does not taste like chicken…"

"I've gotten you both a live crab. Your first step is to kill it."

Then that's when Roach will need dentures and a booking to the psychologist. His mouth _hit_ the floor. And his eyes watered up. "I DON'T WANT TO KILL IT! IT'S SO CUTE!" the crab looked up at Roach. "Awwww. Do I have to?"

Ghost grabbed the knife from his belt and threw it at the crab. Hitting it square between the eyes with a sharp crack as the knife pierced the shell.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" Roach yelled and made a move to tackle Ghost. "YOU KILLED THE POOR THING!"

Eagle sighed and grabbed a pot, filled it with water and propped the crab in. "Goodnight Krusty Crab." She then placed the lid on and moved the pot to the gas cooktop. Setting the heat on high.

Ghost grabbed a massive butchers knife and before he did anything he made sure Roach was watching. Ghost brought the knife down with such force through the centre of the crab that it split clean in two and the knife got wedged into the board.

"NO! That poor crab dude. How could you?"

"Simple. Select a knife. Get your specimen ready. Align the knife up; bring it down and tada! You have yourself a dead crab. All ready for dissection."

Roach looked like he was going to be sick. "And you're going out with this sick fuck?"

Eagle walked around to Ghost and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Because I just so happen to _love_ this so called 'sick fuck'."

"Save it for the bedroom!"

Ghost flipped him off.

Roach just shielded his eyes, "Just do it in your room Eagle."

"And who says we're gonna do 'it'?"

"Uhhh…Not me."

"Anyway. Get your crab, fill a pot of water, and let it come to the boil then put your crab in until it goes an orange colour."

"Yes ma'am!"

Eagle rolled her eyes and checked on her crab. Because it was fairly small it was already done. Getting a bowl of ice she watched Roach nearly die as he removed Ghosts' knife from the crab.

Roach grabbed a pair of tongs and lifted his crab gently into the boiling pot. He placed the lid on then proceeded to wash Ghosts' knife.

Ghost accepted his knife gladly and slipped it back into its sheath. "Hey Eagle," He began, "How come Roach can kill people and not give a shit about that but yet he can't kill a crab?"

"I'm right next to you you know!" Roach crossed his arms over his apron.

Eagle laughed. "Because he has a kind heart." Ghost looked at Roach then to Eagle. "Is there something you wish to tell me?"

"Nope. No secrets here."

"Ghoosty whostey!"

"Here we go." He mumbled.

"Nothing's going on between him and I. I'm just trying to embarrass him."

Roach gave a nervous laugh. "You did that when you made me wear this sodding Apron and hat!"

Everyone then laughed and finished cooking their crabs.

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_It turns out that Crab doesn't taste like chicken after all. Roach cut three separate fingers trying to get the shell of his crab and Ghost got into the whole 'Makarov torture act' all too well. Eagle had a great time but has informed the cooks to never let the guys cook dinner. Except if Makarov was guest._

_And that folks is the story…_

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**I have written this in the one day. It was an idea that came to me whilst I was waiting to fall asleep last night and the first thing I did when I woke this morning was to lock myself in my room for three hours and write. I also managed to get another two chapters for my fanfic ready to be posted.**

**~Mikayla :]**


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